FINALLY! Today is YOUR day. This is the most important day in the universe, and it is important that you know it and you let everyone else know it. Its also imperative that you remember that this is your absolute peak in life. You will freefall into oblivion and a life of inconsequential meaningless after this day, so make it count!
Below are some tips for your wedding day and the dark, dark, dark days that follow it.
- TAKE PICTURES!
- Tell people your heart is “so full” on Instagram and Facebook.
- Keep your stomach “non-full” for months leading up to it so you look SkiNNyyyyy :) :) :)
- Post on social media that you are marrying your “best friend.”
- Break news to your cat they are no longer your “best friend.”
- If your heart was really so full you would be dead?
- Suffer from severe depression after the wedding.
- Upload your album of photos to Facebook immediately, otherwise people will forget about your special day!
- Bitch about those who attended that did not spend enough on wedding gifts or didn’t get you anything.
- Keep the pictures coming. How many can you post today you think?
- Contemplate divorcing your husband in order to have the opportunity for another wedding.
- Oh good! The videographer got you the video. Post the painstakingly, boring wedding video on Facebook.
- Receive “Likes” on the video from your parents and aunt.
- Forget about all wedding gifts that are now in the attic or exchanged for giftcards.
- Nobody watched your stupid video.
- Maintain deep-seeded hate against your non-gift-giving friends for a lifetime.
- You know what will make you feel better? Post a #tbt from your wedding day when you looked pretty :) :) :)
- Third cousins half birthday? You should post an Instagram of that time you looked pretty on your wedding of it!
- Maybe a baby will make you feel better.
Best of luck my beautiful brides.
