Yes! Congrats to all my fellow fats as we continue to set smash records across the United States.
Now in every state, at least 1 in 5 adults is obese, according to the “State of Obesity” report. States with obesity rates of 35 percent or more now include Iowa and Oklahoma. The others are Alabama, Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi and West Virginia.
Those states are literally full of cows and hogs. I do have to question if the study included actual cows and hogs in the study/survey. Also, a lot of people in these states can’t read and might have misunderstood the questions. I consider myself a visual learner and most menus have pictures on them. I think the results might be skewed unfairly to people who can interpret things without accompanying pictures of which Grand Slam option they are considering to order. I would also like it to be on record that nobody cares about Iowa or Oklahoma. I challenge anyone to live there and not find food as the only viable thing to do all day. Its either that or marry your cousin and I feel like those people have proven those things are not mutually exclusive. West Virginia is also gross. No offense on any of the above.
The data from these reports was from the US Center for Disease Control or as I prefer to call them “Snitches.” The study seems pretty one-sided about all of negatives of this new world-record some of us have worked so diligently to accomplish. They even encourage several proposals to reduce obesity in the article which would be simply devastating to all of the chubby chasers in our country if implemented.
Americans continue to fatten up, with obesity rates topping 35 percent in seven states, a new report reveals. That’s up from five states two years ago. Moreover, no state had a notable improvement in its obesity rate over the previous year.
It’s important to note that they are using Body Mass Index (BMI) to track this. The Body Mass Index (BMI) is a misleading farce in my opinion as it strictly relates to Height Vs. Weight and doesn’t account for how much I can bench press. There’s a thing as having solid bulky mass but something skinny nerds will never understand. And to run a survey on who is the fattest is clearly something only a major nerd would do and their biases have to be considered as we probably stole their girlfriend or put them in a toilet in high school.
Obesity’s economic toll is monumental, the authors said. An estimated $149 billion is spent annually in directly related health spending. Lowered economic productivity costs another $66 billion each year.
What I find most disturbing with this world record (“study”) is how misleading the economics of obesity they present. Do you know how many restaurants we keep afloat simply from overeating? Do you know how many doctors we keep busy from obesity-related issues? There are entirely new aisles in the supermarket because of us. We’ve created entirely new industries, products, and businesses.
Imagine everything that would disappear if we lost weight. Here are industries obese people have created and maintained completely on their own:
- Double XXL Polos/Shirts/Pants
- Motorized Scooters
- Golden Corral
- Sitting-related products
- Anti-Perspirants/Baking Soda/Fans
- The entire Fast Food Industry
- Steel reinforced furniture
- Anti-Depressants
- Everything at the Gas Station
- Sweatpants
- Heart Surgeons, Vascular Surgeons, Gout Doctors, Liposuction Doctors (for quitters), etc.
- and MUCH more
And probably the craziest part of this study is the skinniest state in 1998 (Colorado) is fatter today than what the fattest state (Mississippi) was in 1998. Which means the entire country is headed in the fat direction. Which is great news because basically all of my fellow fat people can tread water until it is 2038 and we will be considered within a normal range. It’s nice that as we keep getting fatter that the iota on the bell curve keeps shifting towards us. We just need to run out the clock. Luckily treading water is easier because fat floats. Hey government: you can try to make me lose weight but you’ll have to pry my Honey Buns from my cold, dead, cheetohs-dusted and swollen fingers.
